Change is hard. We all know that. Change is difficult. Change is scary! Changing a habit, changing our way of thinking, our energy levels, our communication, our emotions, all this is freaking hard work! Why? Not because these are somehow wired into our brain. I don’t believe that. Despite what we hear too often, people are not ‘computers’, and our brain does not run ‘programs’. It’s not just a matter of resetting the central unit and rebooting the system with a different software. If that was the case, our problems and issues would be solved every single time. Therapies would not last for long and everyone could get “fixed” and then live happily ever. I think we have enough evidence that the world does not work that way.
No, what’s going on is that changing requires us to voluntarily remove ourselves from the warm and familiar place that we have always known. It requires us to finally rewrite a story, a script that we have been living by and enacting for months, years, and sometimes decades. Our psychology, trying to be helpful by simplifying the world around us, tricked us into an illusion about how things are and how things should be; this illusion provides us with a false sense of comfort and certainty, anchored in a vast web of beliefs around life, the universe and everything. When we say we want “things to be different”, what we really mean is: we want the world to change for us.
But what change really does is asking us to take ownership. To face certain aspects of ourselves we would rather not, when it is so much easier to be a victim of other people’s ‘bad’ behaviours, or more generally, ‘life’.
Change is hard because we have to make a choice: the choice to live differently and to BE different, without the assurance that those around us will.
But hey! Personal development is, by definition, personal. As long as you expect the rest of the world to accommodate your desires and make it easier for you, or change along with you, not much will happen and you will continue to live by and enact the same script, rehearsing that same old story. But when YOU are the proactive engine of change in your life, then the world will help.
Because here’s the thing… Change is actually easy. It is easy once you understand that you have access to rewriting the story… After all, YOU ARE THE AUTHOR! It is easy because change is the most natural phenomenon in the world. Our own biochemistry is constantly shifting and evolving. No instant is ever replicable. Forward is the only way that is aligned with the natural order of things, and we are the ones getting in our own way.
Changing a habit, changing our way of thinking, our energy levels, our communication, our emotions, all this is easy when you understand that we are all, fundamentally, in control of our individual experience. Not other people’s! Once you learn how to remove the psychological nonsense that gets in your way and learn to embrace change proactively, there is no turning back. Once you understand that the fears holding you back have no real roots, no grounding, then you come to realise that you are free to fully enjoy following your inner voice, and be at peace with it.
When we reconnect with our personal power and listen to our own choices, the quality of our life starts to shift dramatically for the better.
We can choose not to listen to the naysayers whispering: “you shouldn’t…”;
We can choose not to listen to our inner critic laughing: “you can’t…”;
We can choose not to listen to the voice of our younger years sighing: “things were better when…”;
And we can choose to trust in the “I” that chooses.